Sept. 25. 2012

"Where is New Leaf happening?"
"oh shoot, is that now?" She grabs her phone, glances down, fingers fidgeting.
"I think FPH 103.... maybe 107?"
"Yea, it's somewhere in FPH, try 103... yea, ok, bye" She hangs up.
"who was that?"
"oh some first year who wants to join"
"Wait, is the meeting happening right now? I thought it was at 8" Her energy has snapped.  Just a minute ago she was laughing about having eaten maple walnut ice cream, not realizing it contained walnuts. Now her eyes droop uncertainly.
"well Emily just left... i don't know if she was going to work before the meeting or going straight to it..."
"No, I think it's happening right now."
"Damn. I want to be part of it, but I don't want to sit on the ground thinking about my work."
"Dude, you could set up a thing with Emily where she fills you in. Don't stress yourself out."
"Yea, but I... and she was so disappointed when there weren't enough people there last week, no, I want to go, ok, bye."
We are left, just us two, like so many nights last year, pushing up against 7:30 when they come round to kick everyone out.
I move to the chair across from her.  She sniffs hard, then sneezes her little series of ts-ts-ts's. I try to imitate it, and she gives me the puppy-dog-fuck-you-sarcastic look.
"I feel so sad. Do you feel sad?"
"....... Mm, no, I feel like I've been using my time really well, and it makes me feel busy but good about it. I went swimming, did some meditation, have been getting up early and doing work, you know, it feels good.
"We are all so sick, our minds are so sick, you know? I asked you if you're sad and you gave me a list of things you are doing. Our whole society is so sick"
And there, on the table, a card tower is gently blown, and it falls.